Cave Canem (Beware of Dog) - my favourite story ever :)

Nothing is more boring than Monday, especially when you are on your way to school in a broken down yellow school bus. The bus driver takes the cake. She just groves her big red curly hair to the funky disco music, that is why almost everyone who knows her calls he Disco Driver.
Disco Driver has a dog a big scary Rottweiler named Wild Will. He is one mean dog with a Massive inferiority complex. Some kids have said she keeps Wild Will with her because she is afraid of the high school kids. I think she is just plain paranoid.
I was sitting in the front seat. I have too because Wild Will needs to eat my legs off. Disco Driver on the other hand likes to yell insults at me. She says I am terrible. I say she listens to terrible music. I was sitting their minding my own business, when I looked to see Wild Will driving. I knew he went to I am Going to Eat You University, But I did not know he was a bus driver too.
He turns his head to me and said “I am Gonna to Eat Ya, Maria!”
“I would like to see you try,” I replied.
I turned around to see the other students looking scared, After all it is a Psycho, Talking, and Demented talking dog. Now Danny was a different story, he looked like he could not care less. Probably because he did not notice Wild Will.
Wild Will is not a good driver, He keeps hitting road signs and he just hit a bus stop. The bus finally stops and Disco Driver walks on the bus.
“It’s so big!” said Danah.
It was the hair not anything else. Wild Will puts the gear in shift and starts to drive the bus again. Disco Driver starts to dance to dance around the bus.
“Cool hair!” exclaimed Danny while giving her a thumb’s up.
Danny starts to dance still ignoring Wild Will.
“Danny!” I shouted, “Talking, psycho rabid dog.”
“Hey I am not rabid,” said Wild Will, “I am just a psycho.
”This had to be getting weirder and weirder.
“Oh, no!” yelled Wild Will, “The bus is running out of gas.”
Ah huh I thought this will stop this madness, Of course I thought wrong.
“Don’t you worry Wild Will, I brought a portable gas pump,” said Disco Driver.
“Yay Disco Driver!” said Danah.
Wild Will stops and the Disco Driver dances her way down the stairs. A diesel gas pump appears out of now where. She starts to fill the bus up.
“Quick, Maria now is our time to escape,” whispered Ruby Red sitting from the seat across from me.
“Not so fast,” growled Wild Will.
“Wow that was brilliant,” I said.
Wild Will walks over to Ruby Red picks her
“I am sorry I did not think of anything better,” said Ruby Red as she was thrown out the door.
Disco Driver slowly dances back on the bus.
The bus starts again.
“Yay, Wild Will left Ruby Red behind,” said Danah sounding happy.
“STOP WILD WILL STOP!” shouted Ruby Red.
“Ruby Red is a fast runner,” Danny pointed out.
I saw Ruby Red running behind the bus. Wow, she really is a fast runner. Ruby Red was now getting red in the face.
“Run Ruby Run!” Wild Will laughed evilly
I think Ruby Red run out of steam considering she collapsed, her face was beat red.
All of a sudden Wild Will hits a tree than another stop sign.
“Tree killer,” shouted Nelda in from the back.
“I never killed a tree,” said Wild Will, defensively, “I was just moving it out of the way.”
“But animals live in trees,” said Nelda.
“I don’t see you living in a tree,” he replied.
Now if you thought things could not get any weirder, you are in for a surprise. A few minutes latter Ruby Red was on the bus again because she was rescued by Super Joey and Fro-Boy.
“Thank you Super Joey,” said Ruby Red.
“Have no fear Super Joey is here!” exclaimed Super Joey.
“Don’t forget about me!” whined Fro-boy, “I saved you!”
“Hey Fro-boy where is your fro?” asked Danah.
“Oh, just a minute,” he replied. He pulls out a curly wig and puts it on his head.
“There is that better?” he asked.
“You poser!” said Danny (finally paying attention to the current situation.) He throws and Orange at him.
“Ouch!”
“Everyone on the bus starts to though Oranges at Fro-boy.
“Hey, Stop that! I am allergic to oranges,” he cried.
His wig falls off. Then he puts it back on again.
Super Joey laughs “Fro-boy how about some orange juice.”
He mocked the young super hero.
Wild Will oddly enough stops at the school.
“Fro-boy it look to me like you are under appreciated,” said Wild Will,
How about joining me?”
“Alright then,” Fro-boy accepted, “but no oranges, deal,”
“Deal,” said Wild Will.
“Disco Driver I say Super Joey gets dished and dismissed,” said Wild Will.
Disco Driver picks up Super Joey and throws him off the bus.
“Yay Disco Driver!” exclaimed Danah.
“Super Hero thrower,” shouted Nelda.
“Well are you kids not going to school?” asked Disco Driver.
Everyone rushes off the bus as if it were haunted or worse. I would too. There is a Psycho talking dog, a crazy big haired bus driver and two weird Super Heroes.
“I am sure glad to get off the bus,” I said.
“I like the bus driver,” said Danah.
“Dogs don’t talk, you are all hallucinating,” said Ruby Red.
“Have a good day Maria,” said Wild Will.
“I will,” I said.
“No, I left you a present on your lawn,” he said with a crazy look in his eyes.
“Oh, darn I guess I will have to clean it up,” I replied.
“Wild Will, leaves presents?” said Danah, “I want one,”
“Not my presents,” he said.
“Hey, Wild Will, should we get going?” asked Fro- boy.
What he is still here I thought.
“Yes we should,” said Disco Driver. “Come on Fro- boy lets go.”
“Hey wait a minute,” said Wild Will. I saw him hand Fro-boy a banana and an apple.
“What are these for?” asked Fro-boy.
“The Apple is to throw at Super Joey and the Banana is a phone,” explained Wild Will.
“Oh, okay he chucks the apple at Super Joey.
“Ouch!” shrieked Super Joey. “That’s a hard apple.”
“That is not smart throwing fruit at people,” said Ruby Red.
“People who are starving could have eaten that,” said Nelda “Fruit thrower!”
“There is nothing to see here, all of you of to class now!” said Disco Driver.
Fro-boy and Disco Driver held hands and rose in the air
“Disco Hair Heroes a way,” they both said.
Fro-boy dropped his wig as he rose in the air. Super Joey picks up the wig.
“Why?” he cried, “Why?” He kept hugging Fro-boys wig.
“Hey get lost Super Joey!” said Wild Will.
“Oh, okay then,” he said as he walked off sadly, “you know what at least my hair is real.”
Half of the students had run from the bus by now. So I walked to the school alone tying to comprehend what had just happened. I just stood there if dogs really do drive buses and if I have to clean Wild Will’s present when I get home. No I thought he left it he should clean it up.
“The rest of you get to class or I will eat you,” said Wild Will.
“Oh great now he is a bus driver and a Cannibal,” said Danny.
“No, I am a Dogaball, “said Wild Will. “I went to school and learned dogablism, people relations, super hero psychiatry, and how to drive a bus.”
“Wow!” I said, “That is impressive.”
“You are darn right,” he replied. “Oh, before I go...”
Wild Will grabs my binder and eats my home work, so much for that excuse.
“I will be back,” said Wild Will, “with purple and red monkeys who eat bed sheets.”
“I like monkeys!” said Danah.
Wild Will flies off with his jet pack, so much for his warning about eating us.
“Maria, do you think Monkeys who eat bed sheets get indigestion?” Danny asked as we started to walk back to the school.
“I don’t know,” I replied, “I guess I will bring antacid just in case,”
“Maria! Wake up,” said Danny.
Wild Will was sitting in his usual spot ready to eat, at least he was not talking or driving the school bus, but there where purple and red monkeys.

(c) melisssa canadian 2006